Monday, June 3, 2013
Giving Myself Credit. Do you?
On Saturday I taught the first ever, in the history of the world, Let Your Yoga Dance class to a sold out room of forty people in CHINA. Many of those people were local Shanghainese and so I also taught for the very first time with a translator. I went into this completely unsure of what would unfold, how these students would respond, how the language barrier would impact me and the practice. I was scared, which is typical for me, but this had a different edge, a sharp one.
A few days prior I had a skype call with my teacher and guide, Vidya. As we talked about this fear I was experiencing, we came back to the recurring theme, or samskara in yogic terms, in my life that is about worthiness. I tend to not feel worthy or to see my worth, my value. No matter how many hills I climb, or challenges I complete, no matter how much positive feed back I receive, it is never enough.
Vidya pointed out something very valuable to me. She said, "Jyotika, you never give yourself any credit. Others see such gifts and richness in you, but you don't see it yourself. You need to stop and notice what lens you are looking through. Some people wear rose colored glasses, but you are looking through a lens of no credit and it is a distortion."
What she says is so true. I don't give myself credit. I don't think I am alone in looking through this particular distorted lens either. I believe that we are culturally entrained and often parented to think that taking credit is not humble, it is egotistical and impolite. That is the root of the distortion, that is a flawed and erroneous storyline.
I am moving forward in my inquiry around this. I am checking out the lens, trying on some new cooler funkier shades.
So here goes.
I taught the first ever Let Your Yoga Dance class in China. I was courageous as well as highly creative. I put together a rockin' playlist and dances that blended the fun and playful with the poignant and spiritual. I showed up and gave my all in my most authentic way. I put the students at ease and guided a fabulous practice. I am a talented teacher who has a lot to offer.
I have to say that, just now, I felt uncomfortable writing that. I know its truth, and yet, there is resistance. Old patterns are hard to undo, but bringing them intentionally and consciously into compassionate awareness is the door to transformation.
Is it time for you to give yourself credit? Write your proclamation and share it with me, or even better, the world!