Monday, June 3, 2013

Giving Myself Credit. Do you?

 On Saturday I taught the first ever, in the history of the world, Let Your Yoga Dance class to a sold out room of forty people in CHINA. Many of those people were local Shanghainese and so I also taught for the very first time with a translator. I went into this completely unsure of what would unfold, how these students would respond, how the language barrier would impact me and the practice. I was scared, which is typical for me, but this had a different edge, a sharp one.

A few days prior I had a skype call with my teacher and guide, Vidya. As we talked about this fear I was experiencing, we came back to the recurring theme, or samskara in yogic terms, in my life that is about worthiness. I tend to not feel worthy or to see my worth, my value. No matter how many hills I climb, or challenges I complete, no matter how much positive feed back I receive, it is never enough.


Vidya pointed out something very valuable to me. She said, "Jyotika, you never give yourself any credit. Others see such gifts and richness in you, but you don't see it yourself. You need to stop and notice what lens you are looking through. Some people wear rose colored glasses, but you are looking through a lens of no credit and it is a distortion."

What she says is so true. I don't give myself credit. I don't think I am alone in looking through this particular distorted lens either. I believe that we are culturally entrained and often parented to think that taking credit is not humble, it is egotistical and impolite. That is the root of the distortion, that is a flawed and erroneous storyline.

I am moving forward in my inquiry around this. I am checking out the lens, trying on some new cooler funkier shades.

So here goes.

I taught the first ever Let Your Yoga Dance class in China. I was courageous as well as highly creative. I put together a rockin' playlist and dances that blended the fun and playful with the poignant and spiritual. I showed up and gave my all in my most authentic way. I put the students at ease and guided a fabulous practice. I am a talented teacher who has a lot to offer.

I have to say that, just now, I felt uncomfortable writing that. I know its truth, and yet, there is resistance. Old patterns are hard to undo, but bringing them intentionally and consciously into compassionate awareness is the door to transformation.

Is it time for you to give yourself credit? Write your proclamation and share it with me, or even better, the world!     



  1. I am I.

    Self-Sovereign and Free.

    I am The stem, the bud, the blossom, the fragrance, the falling leaves, and the wind that carries the beginning and the end.

    I am horrible, and Honorable and stupid and bliss. The greatest of me is not concerned about which is greater. The greatest of me knows all parts of being me are helpful, kind, important, and teachers to be respected.

    I am sure that doubt is a passion of the mind, and I am sure any human can succumb to its lustful's the getting back up, the moving on, the refusal time and again to allow darker thoughts to stamp out truer joyful ones.I am sure doubt is no friend to faith...and faith is my greatest ally.

    My beautiful teacher Jyotika, do you not know how facing and boxing with your fears, overcoming them, seeing them in any color glasses, knowing how poorly your intentions can go, knowing 40 other humans can despise your every effort, and doing it you not see that the truth is self-evident? Do you not see that your samskara is evident in your actions? If it was true that you felt your worth was not enough...why go on with a big plan such as the one you allowed to unfold in your life? Is it self-worth, or is it doubt you are wishing to make friends with? And isn't is better to doubt and then just keep going anyway? That would suggest that either your crazy or you have some faith, which is greater than your fear fear. Reinforcement of self-condemnation in thought, or written word is not beneficial. There is nothing about you on an outward level that would allow someone to know of your thoughts concerning what you express as issues of I feel that this is really about giving yourself permission to be unbelievably beautiful, stunningly talented, outrageously capable...because that is how many others experience you...and I feel that you feel the same way about the only shift is to just allow the light to come OUT...not just IN. Bask in this light without any explanations. To explain such an action would be ridiculous.

    I take the time to offer this not just to a women I respect and admire (Jyotika), but to everyone...anyone...and to myself. Whatever your upbringing, whatever yesterday unkindly said, now is now and that is all there will ever be...forget before and grasp hold and love now...and when the story begins to darken, say 'The End' and let a new moment raise up to meet you in the very next step...

    Offered with humility, grace, a bowed head, and deep compassion. I respect the doubt that filled your mind, however, I know in your heart, this has never made a single live from here forward clean and clear of anything but CASH...and to hell with credit!

    From your student...and the Universal Loving Spirit. Now take a good deep breath and claim glory like a rod of lighting...I know you can hold that in just one hand! Then proclaim 'I am I'...No one will ever be more or less than that.

    Peace, S.

  2. P.S.,

    I see that a few times I have placed my thoughts in the form of directives. I wish not to tell anyone what to what would have been better of me would have been to make these directives in the form of invitations. Do or not do as you wish...I submit that I both know nothing and everything and that both are better.

    Again, with loving compassion and sisterhood, May Many Blessing Be,